2002-04-23 8:57 a.m.

I think that eggstone2000 is the funniest person alive today. Everyone who does not stalk him full–time already should begin doing so right away, if not sooner. Here are our last two IM conversations:

The golf conversation

eggstone2000: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/020422/168/1fjje.html

eggstone2000: is it just me, or does this dildo sort of look like a golf trophy?

Justin: are you trying to make me cry?

eggstone2000: yeah.

Justin: You know how I like it, don't you?

eggstone2000: apparently so.

The AIDS conversation

eggstone2000: there should be a charity rock festival to benefit AIDS

eggstone2000: they can call it AIDS AID.

Justin: Can you work "aides" in there somewhere, too?

Justin: AIDES' AIDS AID

eggstone2000: sure. as long as they get AIDS

Justin: EXACTLY

eggstone2000: i believe that AIDS is the future, teach it well and let it lead the way

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Sadly, it appears the life of my digital camera has come to an end. I thought it would be a good idea to sit my backpack on top of Andie's van before we went driving around San Francisco. Luckily, we heard it slide off the roof and we went back and found the bag and all the contents. Most everything was completely fine, too! Palm V = undamaged. Mobile phone = undamaged. Wallet = undamaged. Meat thermometer for jamming into your urethra to check the "temperature" = undamaged. Canon Digital Elph Camera = Oh yes, definitely broken.

My camera had been acting up for a few months now. It started when the compact flash memory door broke. Then, a few pixels in the CCD went out, which resulted in three little blue pixels in every photo I took. So, I went to The Good Guys and flashed my three–year warranty and they said it would be THREE WEEKS until they could repair my camera. I decided that I would rather edit out the stupid blue dots than be without my camera—I figured I would just wait until it REALLY broke before bringing it in for repairs.

And now it is really broken! At first I was excited for the opportunity to get it fixed, but in the last two days the excitement has faded into mild depression. The biting irony of the situation is that a raging suckfest such as this can not be described with words—only pictures would really do. BUT I HAVE NO CAMERA. Sigh. This is too depressing.

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So, in order to make myself feel better, I am going to send people some buttons. I used my super nifty button making machine to make up some 1" buttons like the indie kids wear on their backpacks or their stupid 1980s–era thrift–store knit scrotum cozies. These are the best buttons in the universe because they bear such slogans as, "Kill the poor", "Cum guzzling whore", "USA loves ASS RAPE", "USA loves HTs", "Gonads for victory" and many more. You will have to trust me that they look cool, since I no longer have a camera to take pictures.

How can you get some of these glorious buttons? Well, it turns out that giving all this stuff away is expensive, so even though I want more than anything to simply give them away to every person that asks, I am now asking people to give me a tiny bit of money to help cover the cost of my supplies and such. (The button maker cost $300!) So, send me $2 [and a self addressed stamped envelope, if you happen to have stamps laying around] to the address below with a note asking for buttons and I will send you four buttons! If you can not afford the $2, email me and we can surely work something out. See, I hate to ask for money for things, as I want to be able to just give everything away...but it is getting really expensive.

Send naked pictures, money, or whatever to:

Justin Winokur
554 Ellery Street
San Jose CA 95127-1412
USA


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