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2002-09-17 7:55 a.m. CHEX MIX Every once in a while I eat some Chex Mix. I would never buy the stuff myself. But, from time to time I find myself at a party or in a car with this snack treat and I just have to eat it.
I am a danger seeker willing to brave the risk of genital torture and even death when snacks are involved. So, I reached in to grab retrieve a handful of the crunchy goodness like one of those move�the�robotic�hand�and�win�a�toy machines they have at arcades and crappy pizza joints. The pieces were so rigid and brittle. I felt the salt and MSG between my fingers. This was truly the tactile sensation of snack. I wish I could say that I ate each piece individually and enjoyed their unique flavors. But, I didn't. I shoveled fistful after fistful into my mouth, chewing and swallowing as quickly as possible. Think of a dog eating food in fast forward. After many fistfuls I slowed my pace. As I ate slower, I started to notice something which I remembered thinking about before�something I thought about each time I ate Chex Mix, yet somehow always forgot immediately after my last bite. The universal order of the Chex Mix snapped into focus. In the past it was as if this thought could not exist independently of the Chex Mix experience. But this time would be different. I vowed to write the epiphany down and tell the world. That is, after I ate a few more handfuls and stuffed a few more handfuls into a plastic bag for later. But, I did write it down and now the world can know. There is a dirty secret to Chex Mix�a secret they try to hide. They don't want you to know this, but not all Chex Mix pieces are created equal. Yes, in that Chex Mix bag there are haves and have nots. In fact, there is a distinct hierarchy of Chex Mix tastiness which ranges from glorious manna down to unfit�for�airline�snacks. After eating a few more handfuls, I took this photo to help illustrate the Chex Mix hierarchy I speak of.
The amazing thing is that the best piece in the Chex Mix is not even Chex! It is not even related to the Chex family, except that maybe it sends money to the less�fortunate (and not as tasty) Chex bits so that they can buy shoes for their illiterate Chex kids. I started an experiment in my office. I ate all the Chex Mix except for one piece of the heavenly manna (aka garlic�flavor bite�size bagel chips). As a test of my strength and willpower I sat this one remaining piece on my desk in front of my computer so that every day I must look at it and be tempted by its tastiness. Its MSG will call to me like the mythical siren called sailors to their doom; it will beckon to me like Tequiza entices teenagers. Of course, I will see how long I can resist�how long I can go without eating the last bit. Since its chemical makeup is more than 30% preservatives, I do not need to worry about it decaying within my lifetime! So far it has been there for 12 days, and I have not eaten it yet. I have been distracting myself with other snacks in my office. But, my snack supply is low, and I am afraid that I may not be able to hold out much longer... PREVIOUS ENTRY - NEXT ENTRY |