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2002-01-02 2:23 p.m.

So, today Tollef and I went to Quizno's for lunch. It was so insanely epic, I can not even get over it. See, the thing is that when he and I are together, we do not have very much self control. So, instead of getting a modest amount of food, we always order way too much. It went something like this:

Tollef: Let's get way more food than we need, PLUS two desserts.
Justin: God, yes! God, yes! Hurplglubglub.

One thing we noticed about our desserts is that they both contained this magical and mysterious ingredient called TBHQ. What the hell is TBHQ? Good lord. We were a little concerned as to what it might be. What if it caused brain tumors or eye cancer or scurvy or HPV?

This dessert contains TBHQ! Beware people!

We had to get to the bottom of this.

Once we returned to work, we met this new girl named Theresa B. in the lobby. She forced us to eat weird crackers from Korea or Taiwan or somewhere like that, and as we were chatting with her, I mentioned the dessert and the mysterious TBHQ. She suggested that TBHQ stood for Theresa B.'s Headquarters! I could not believe how wise she was!

Theresa Benson and her secret headquarters. Quizno's dessert shown for scale.

Of course, Tollef insisted it stood for Tollef Biggs' Headquarters. People get so fierce and competitive.

Well, after searching in the vast www, it appears that there are actually other contenders who think they have the real scoop on what TBHQ is. This site thinks that TBHQ stands for Tertiary Butyl Hydroquinone, which they claim is the newest of the synthetic food grade antioxidants. Some real weirdos think that it stands for Teddy Bear Headquarters. [NOTE: Teddy bears are extremely stupid. If anything, I think it should stand for Teddy Bear Hindquarters, which would imply the often–explored child's sexual uses for this popular "stuffed" "friend".]

I don't know. I am leaning towards thinking Theresa was right and that each and every dessert from Quizno's contains bits of her secret headquarters, but if that was the case, would they eventually use up all of her HQ and she would have to build a new base? It gets confusing. What do you think it stands for?