2002-01-07 12:21 p.m.
Here is a picture of Nick and I. Nick, aside from being a cool guy, is also a counselor at the summer camp I used to work at. Nick is important because of a late–night conversation he and I had while visiting that summer camp recently. It went a little something like this:
Nick: Hey, have you ever heard of Real Doll?
Nick: Its like fucking a corpse!
The implications were staggering. Not only were Nick's words as true as words could be, but they also showed his ability to think differently. You see, Real Doll right now is marketing towards rich people who can afford $5000 fancy masturbation toys. But, Nick—looking forward into the future with help from his knowledge of the past and present—knew that Real Doll would have so much more appeal if they hit the most influential and important untapped vein of consumers: corpse fuckers. I can see it now: If Real Doll changes their slogan to "Real Doll: Its like fucking a corpse!", I believe their sales would surely triple (or more) within the first four quarters.
Also, they could roll out some new lines that compliment their revamped corporate image: Bloated River Corpse Real Doll! Exhumed Relative Real Doll! Car Crash Real Doll! Suicide Bombing Victim Real Doll!
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