2002-02-12 9:47 a.m.

Rice pudding is so good. I love the stuff. I bought some this evening at the Safeway on Noriega. I wanted a special treat, and I knew the yummy, gooey, puffy, sticky white goodness would hit the spot.

And this got me to thinking. Sure, rice pudding is tasty. But, do I have another motive for eating it? Is the fact that it kind of looks like a mixture of opaque pus and huge pieces of the harder stuff that comes from blackheads some deciding factor in why I choose to buy it?

While my initial answer to that question was a resounding, "DUH! Of course!", I didn't want to just shrug it off that quickly. I wanted to really think about it.

So, I started thinking back...remembering my past. When I was a little boy, I always begged my mom to make me my favorite dish�escargot in garlic and butter. Snails. I was eating snails out of snail shells. I could not think of anything cooler at the time. This was as close to masturbation as I got at age 5, I am sure.

Then there was this picture I drew in 1st grade where I invented this product called barf juice. Now that I think about it, I spent a lot of time thinking about barf and pee and the likes as I grew up. Oh, and farts, too.

I drew this in 1st grade.

I loved going to the Chinese restaurant so I could eat the mushrooms that looked like penises. I called them that, too, when I asked my mom if they would be in the food we ordered. Penis mushrooms.

A lot of time has passed since then, though. Have things changed as I aged? I don't think so. I order jellyfish anytime it is on the menu. At a French restaurant, I opt for the sweet breads simply because the thought of eating pituitary glands makes me giggle. Other cool foods: Tuna neck (hamachi kama), brains (sesos), tongue (lengua). It is like comedy food for my own delight.

Of course, it turns out farts are in fact still quite funny. Barf is very, very funny. And, pee is funnier than I ever could have possibly fathomes when I was little. I mean, I was not stupid, I had some idea, but wow, I had no idea. Pee turned out to be the funniest thing on Earth, and it gets funnier each day.

Hm. Another example: I chose my desktop picture because it has a dead rat on it, which I think is cool because it is both dead and also a rat. Of course, I think it is also entertaining because I took the photo at a graveyard, which is full of dead humans buried in dirt.

Ok. So I answered one question to myself. Does being gross, vile, yucky, or related to bodily by�products including but not limited to pee, poo, farts, pus, snot, and bile make something more appealing and entertaining to me?

Yes. Duh.

This kind of thought process has obviously been going on in my head for a long time�as long as I can remember. Now I see it. Ok, this is how I am, I see. But, now I wonder why I am like this.

This will require some more thought.


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