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2002-04-17 2:31 p.m.

It is not that I hate dogs, I am just uninterested in them and I do not want to hang out with them. Dogs are like children, in the way that hanging out with people that have dogs is like hanging out with people who have kids—Unless you have kids too, what do you have in common with people who have them? And, worst of all, they have to bring the thing (kid or dog) with them everywhere. Every outing has to be dog–oriented, or time–constrained to fit the needs of their dog. "I am afraid we can not go to the fun sex party and allow you to inject drugs into our anuses, because we can not find a sitter for our little dog or baby human or whatever." Hm, and they wonder why their lives are boring and they have no friends anymore.

I started to think about this because I was chatting with this cool, new person over IM this morning. She had read my first and second diary entries about dogs, and she wondered why I disliked them so much. I explained that I did not hate them, it was much more like apathy. I do not want my life to be affected by dogs at all, so I choose to not have one. Likewise, I surround myself with friends that don't have pets (or young children).

Of course, she then showed me how wrong I was about dogs.

Her: I know you have probably heard this before but MY dog will make you change your mind.. I'm really not kidding.

Her: no hair, and she's got the personality of a three year old child..

Me: OMG YOU ARE SO RIGHT! All my previous ideas about dogs have been erased by your dog! It is so different from every other dog on the planet! Jesus, how could I have been so wrong? Ok, I take back everything I ever thought! Hooray for dogs! I love dogs now! Thank you! I have to log off, since I need to go buy a dog at the store, and I want to hurry! They might run out if I don't get there soon!


I guess I do not blame her at all. This is something which she is super excited about and she wants others to enjoy it, too. Why not share this joy with the world? I would do the same. I just happen to not be into that specific fetish.


DOGS: They are like decorative handbags that shit.

Speaking of fetishes, I swear that "dog talk" is the sickest fetish of all, next to being Nazarene. Everyone knows about dog talk—it is when people get all technical about what goes into and comes out of their dogs and such. Thank god that I don't have to listen to this sort of thing on a regular basis.

Dog owner 1: Does your dog eat organic brown rice, too? Wow! How many cups of lamb meal do you jam in your dog's ass each morning before its walk? What color is its urine? I like to drink it, sometimes.

Dog owner 2: I AM FUCKING BEATING OFF RIGHT NOW!

Dog owner 1: Me too! Uhhhnnnn....can't stop now!

Dog owner 2: Unnnggghhh! I love shopping at PetsMart!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Only one more day until ChipotleFest 2K2!


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