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2002-04-19 2:49 p.m.

Adam holds the glorious "Lotion" Warmer high in the air, as a holy sign that ChipotleFest 2K2 was about to commence!

ChipotleFest 2K2! Burritos! Buttons! "Lotion" Warmers! Free food for all! Our very first ChipotleFest was yesterday, and it was some good, burrito–consuming fun for the 11 people who attended. It made me happy that Tollef and my experiment in giving away some food—promoting the idea that you can get something for nothing—could finally come to fruition. Emails had been sent back and forth, as well as numerous phone calls to the restaurant, and it was time! Skot was even kind enough to design some ChipotleFest buttons. I made sure to make enough for all the employees and all the attendees to get as many as they wanted. My heart swelled with joy as I watched the cooks preparing food, proudly displaying buttons with slogans such as, "Who is Justin? What is Chipotlefest?".

Here we see Chipotle manager Jen Gapen sporting one of these glorious buttons!

Skot—total genius. Aren't these great?

While I was surely excited about the event, I was completely surprised with how excited the people from Chipotle were about it all! They sent down their super–duper marketing person, aka Libby, from the Northern California Chipotle castle in San Francisco to meet with us, bring us some free t–shirts, and take pictures for their forthcoming newsletter.

The woman behind the legend: Libby. Marketing Goddess of Chipotle Northern California. In this rare and candid image, we see Libby communicating with the Chipotle mother ship using some strange, futuristic, Mexican–food–powered communication device.

Jen and Libby had even gone so far as to make sure that no other undeserving, sniveling, worthless, inhuman, wormlike, less–than–demi–god patrons of filth would be allowed to sit at the Most Holy Table. "Oh, I am sorry. This table is reserved, sir. Maybe there is room for you and your party in the dumpster out back, or perhaps in the nearest wood–chipper?" Nothing could possibly get in the way of the eating extravaganza.

Here we see Skot and I laying on the table. It was ours, all ours.

People kind of trickled in, and I did not really know how many to expect. Counting the RSVP list usually only vaguely hints at how many people might arrive, and suggested time of arrival means nothing. So, we hung out at our reserved table, ate some chips and salsa, drank some sodas, and talked. I even made everyone wear name tags, because I thought it would be funnier that way.

Hi! My name is Justin, and I will be your server today! Please keep in mind that I just rubbed my penis all over these chips and this salsa! Eat of my body and drink from my holy cup!

Time passed, and it was almost 1:30 PM, yet Tollef had not arrived! It turned out that he was overcome with narcolepsy, and 1 PM was too early for him to be awake. Chips and salsa was not enough for the hungry army of people. We figured we better eat without him.

Hello Burritos!

Patiently waiting for food. Notice Shaun in the background, looking like a total insane pervert.

Ash and Skot perused the menu, which must not have taken long. Chipotle only has like four things you can order, anyways. But, it turns out that all four of those things are pretty yummy.

Shaun molests the helpless, young cup with his perverted mouth.

Tollef did show up, eventually. Here we see Tollef pointing to where a watch or similar time–keeping device could have been placed on his wrist, in theory, that is.

In case you were not sure what it looks like to eat a burrito, here is a fine example of two people in various stages of burrito–consumption. On the left, we see Adam. He is currently in the "I have an erection and the burrito is under the table in my pants" stage, while Andie is in the "eating the burrito with the mouth" stage.

Skot and I decided to be good sports and don the extremely large Chipotle t–shirts that Libby had brought to us as gifts. Sadly, they were like 80 sizes too big. Dude, nobody gets that I am much smaller in real life than I appear in the pictures.

Skot poses with the smaller of the two shirts.

It was almost immediately obvious that these shirts would be much better if worn like a trampy, early 1980s chick—pulled up through the front and tied, to show off some sexy belly and cleavage.

People of planet Earth, please control your erections.

How much for an hour, baby?

IT MAKES THE PEOPLE WANT TO FORNICATE. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL YOUR BURNING LOINS! Send fan mail, sexual propositions, bodily fluids, and naked pictures to: Justin Winokur, 554 Ellery Street, San Jose CA 95127-1412, USA

What a fun time it was for everyone! Hooray for friends and food and digital cameras and "Lotion" Warmers! I do have a limited amount of ChipotleFest 2K2 buttons remaining. If you want some, please email me and we can work something out. Make sure to read what Adam had to say about Chipotlefest 2K2 here.