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2002-06-07 11:04 p.m.


Cherries: Natures way of saying, "Justin, prepare for an intensive course in slash–and–burn mouth raping!"

A co–worker sent me an email today:

I bought more cherries than I can eat.
Stop by if you’d like some.
-J.

To this I replied:

Dear J.,

For me, eating cherries feels a lot like the way I imagine setting fire to the inside of my mouth might feel. I am allergic to cherries, and although I love their tart and sweet flavor -- always a reminder of the beginning of the beautiful Californian summer, the days when I would climb the sturdy cherry tree in my mother's back yard -- they tend to painfully violate the soft, tender inside of my mouth like a gang of thugs treats the knee caps of the guy who owes them some money.

I will come by and marvel at their tiny yet remarkably voluptuous shapes, ponder over the magnificent colors with nature has bestowed upon them, or perhaps let a whiff of their unique scent bring back some almost–forgotten childhood memory. But I must leave actual eating -- chewing, tasting, swallowing, and so on -- to those with more well–suited, sturdy, and non–allergic mouths.

Your attempt to destroy the inside of my mouth with fruit–allergy–violence has been thwarted.

Behold my tongue and gums: Safe and sound, safe and sound,

-Justin



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