2002-06-20 11:58 p.m.

Thanks for making it to today's meeting. Before we begin, who would like to smell a deep whiff of my ass and feet or perhaps eat their lunch out from between my butt cheeks?

So far it has been 11 1/2 days since I last bathed. Amazingly, my skin has not broken into oozing sores, I have not lost my job, and my girlfriend still wants to have sex with me. This rocks. Not only do I save time each week by not bathing, but I get to be dirty and infiltrate corporate America with my undercover filth. People talk with me just like anybody else. Except that they have no idea that I am a gigantic filth�ogre. Well, ok. Not really. I took a major sponge bath this morning before work, making sure to fully clean everything above my waist using only a washcloth and the bathrooom sink, so I am not really all that dirty. But, amazingly enough, I have not washed my feet once in 11 1/2 days. This is monumental.

Considering my astonishingly positive results so far, I can't see why I should ever need to really bathe ever again.


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