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2002-07-16 4:18 p.m.

Breakfast with Tim and Shaft from the Ministry of Unknown Science. Do not, I repeat, do not try to eat breakfast with people this funny. It will only result in pain, mostly from food shooting out your nose or the dangerous, patented Hilarity Waves they emanate. If you must eat breakfast with one of the Ministers, I suggest wearing hearing and eye protection. And shields.

Over the weekend, Andie and I got to go to LA to see the 2nd Ministry of Unknown Science show. Sadly, we missed the first one a few months back, and after seeing this one, I realize what a mistake it was to not have dropped everything for the last one. Simply, the MOUS show was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Ever.

It was as if someone crawled into my brain and made the show I secretly wish I could have made...only better. It had everything—exploding babies, funk, beatings, explosions, religious jokes, and unlimited Chinese pussy. To be honest, they had me sold with the exploding baby, and the rest was icing on the unlimited Chinese pussy, so to speak.

What could possibly be on these videos I got while at the MOUS show in LA? Is it insanely funny comedy? Naked pictures of my mom? Urine analysis videos? Find out for yourself!

I even managed to escape alive with some fantastic souvenirs from the event: mystery videotapes! What is on these mysterious VHS videotapes? That is a secret that you will never know...unless you are one of the lucky first 15 people to follow a few simple steps to get one. What does it take?

Let me start with what you should NOT do:

� Do NOT email me and ask for one. I will only mock you for not following directions.

� Do NOT sign my guestbook and ask for one, it will only make me think that your Down Syndrome is flaring up again.

In order to get one of these amazing videos, you need to do all of the following:

1) Make me a mix CD. [No, not a mix cassette tape. This is not 1983. This is 2002. I have no way to play a tape. Don't even ask if a mix tape is OK, because it is not.]

2) Send me a photo of yourself. Make it great, make it creative. Example: naked, doing something really funny, or both. Autograph it: "To Justin, my biggest fan".

3) Send these things to me in the old–fashioned MAIL: Justin Winokur, 554 Ellery Street, San Jose CA, USA

4) If you are fortunate enough to reside outside the USA you shall be punished. Shipping costs me a lot. Include $4 cash to help pay for postage to your far–off land.