2002-08-06 10:30 a.m.
In other good news, Tim told me how this really cool character came to visit their recent Ministry of Unkown Science show. Apparently this person was of exemplary character—a genius, charming, and kind. Everyone liked this person very, very much. Tim opted not tell me this person's actual name, in order to protect their anonymity. Instead the Tim and the Ministry of Unkown Science refer to him by a sort of holy pseudonym: Ry Buffingt0n.
There is only one problem with Ry Buffingt0n, though. With so few examples of human perfection such as Ry Buffington gracing the earth and so many billions of lesser humans, there is pretty much no way mortals like us can ever get a chance to have actual sexual intercourse with him or his ilk. How can we experience his fierce holy meat rod smacking our lips and eyes? How can we have a night of piss play with him while he calls us a bitch from inside his godly pony outfit? When will he intently squeeze our gonads with two hands like a careful child holds a glass of milk?
Sadly, the chances are slim to none, as there are so many of us but only one of him. But, Tim had a solution. There was a simple way to commemorate Ry Buffingt0n's glory, recognize Ry's status as a god–among–men, and serve as a sort of honorary form of sexual intercourse with Ry Buffingt0n. Yes, that's right: "I fucked Ry Buffingt0n" buttons.
How do you get one? Easy! Send a note asking for one and $1 to:
554 Ellery Street
San Jose CA 95127-1412
Remember, though. Ry Buffingt0n is not this or any other person's real name. Their real name will remain anonymous. Any similarity of Ry Buffingt0n to any other living, dead, or fictitious character is coincidence and completely unintentional. Plus, nobody would ever name their child Ry Buffingt0n. What sort of tool's name is that?
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