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2002-09-04 4:44 p.m.

Food is a huge part of my life. It brings me such joy to eat—especially when I eat with friends. But, when I am alone I hardly eat at all. The fun just isn't there for me if there is nobody to share that special time with. I can't wait for Andie to get home. I vibrate with anticipation at our first meal together after a week apart. It will break the fast of a long, dark night. Will it be dim sum? Or perhaps sushi? Chinese food? soon...

On the subject of food, Tim messaged me today with some exciting news:

Tim: i have a fantastic story to tell you.

Justin: Tell tell!

Tim: So I'm sitting here in my office, by myself, minding my own business, scouring the internet for photographs. All I can hear is the air conditioning and the whir of the lousy iMac I'm using.

Tim: when, outside my window, I see a large green, red and white cylinder begin to rise.

Tim: I wasn't really paying attention to it that much, but it was getting bigger and bigger and bigger and just hanging back there in my peripheral vision....until I begin to see the Quizno's logo appear on the thing.

Tim: that's when I get up and walk to the window to discover that the bastards have officially opened a quizno's RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY OFFICE!

Tim: And to think I got down to my fighting weight. I'm so fucked.

Tim: It's just sitting there, across the street, the steamy fingers of subs, gently rising up from the roof and inviting me over to enjoy their delicious hot toasted subs. Just like in a bugs bunny cartoon.

Tim: send help immediately.

Justin: Hehehe. If there was a Quizno's anywhere near me I would get so porky. I would make John Candy look like an anorexic teenage girl on speed. Quizno's compels me to eat in a way that is both unhealthy and neverending.

Justin: Hm...maybe you could buy the sandwiches and chew them, but not swallow?

Tim: You know me, I have to swallow.

Tim: Bwah!

Tim: Sorry bout that.

Tim: I'm in comedy, I have to.

Tim: I think the best policy is that I cannot carry cash on me for any reason whatsoever.

Justin: Um...throat diaphragm?

Tim: Maybe. I think that I just have to avoid it. Pretend it's just not there. Keep it out of my mind and all will be fine.

Justin: Do they take ATM or credit cards? The one in Santa Clara (about 5 miles from my work) does...

Tim: DUDE! Shut up! Don't tell me these things.

Tim: The thing that really scares me is the store next to it is vacant. If they put in a La Salsa or Chipotle I will be comepletely and totally fucked with a truck.

Justin: Dude, not only is there an MC Quiz-money (aka Quizno's) in Santa Clara, but it is RIGHT NEXT to Santa Clara University, home of young squeezable college kids just BEGGING AND PLEADING for defiling by the likes of me. I just want to molest them to the far–out sounds of SQUEEZING and SPURTING while I face fuck myself with a baked sub or two or three.

Justin: Fucked with a truck! Wow. Are you hitting on me?

Tim: face fuck myself with a baked sub....that is just priceless.