2003-03-10 10:58 a.m.
I had the most amazing talk with Boris today. He drove up to San Francisco to hang out with me. He showed up at my house with orange juice and doughnuts and a big smile—what a way to start my day.
He had told me the evening before that he "had some things to talk with me about" and that he was "concerned about a few things with me". Those are the sorts of things that keep me awake at night—wondering what in world it could be. And, no matter how many times I called him on the phone last night he refused to give me even the tiniest clue as to what was going on. So, I was very happy when he arrived—the suspense was making me very itchy.
He suggested we take a walk on the beach, so we crossed the street and headed out onto the sand.
He began by telling me how important I was to him and how he cared about me so much. He went on to explain that I was not only one of his best friends but also one of his heroes. (What an honor, seriously.) "It is for these reasons", he explained, "that I wanted to talk with you about some things which I am concerned about."
And for the next two and half hours we walked and talked. He told me that there were numerous times in the past when I had hurt his feelings, and he realized that he was doing our friendship a disservice by not bringing them to my attention. He shared some of these anecdotes with me so I could learn from them.
Boris also showed me how I had at times been inconsiderate or rude to some of my loved ones. He helped me to see how I can bee too abrupt when I am feeling overwhelmed—I get short–tempered and irritated easily when I feel there is too much going on. Yet through all of these things he kept an attitude of humility and compassion.
See, getting called on your crap can be a bitter pill to swallow when it comes in the form of criticism. Ah, but Boris is a smart one! He was not trying to "correct" me for the sake of itself. Instead he seemed to craft each statement with love, with the only goals being to strengthen our friendship and further my own personal goals and priorities.
He also explained concern for how I was taking care of some recent music business deals. There was some mixed–up communication and simple missed–connections which we got cleared up pretty quickly. He thought maybe I was doing some funny business with some money from the recent Mercedes commercial.
I told him that neither I nor anyone else has even seen the so–called "money" yet and that the check was not even supposed to be mailed until June! He was relieved and I was happy to find we were on the same page. It was good to really check in a get everything out in the open. Money has destroyed a lot of friendships—friendships that seemed like they would last forever. He was adamant that we must be open, honest, and communicative at all times so that we can know better and do it right from the beginning.
Then he checked in with me about Andie. He was really concerned about her and I, and he wanted to make sure that I was totally committed to her and "in it for the long haul". He had been talking with Andie a lot lately and her recent life/emotional stuff looked like warning signs to him. He was concerned that I was not taking care of my relationship business as I ought to be.
We talked a lot about her and I. I explained to him that a lot of the stuff Andie shared with Boris in their conversations made a lot of sense. I even went on to give him even more back–story on her life and what she was going through. But I reminded him that there was another half of the story—mine.
I was happy that I got my opportunity to share my thoughts and concerns with him. It feels great to have Boris supporting me in my relationships with Andie. A good relationship can not exist in a vacuum. You must have the strength, support, and nurturing of your community. And Boris is like a entire community of compassionate, loving, intelligent people all wrapped up into a package that fits in the passenger seat of your car.
Our heavy conversations felt about over. We started our long walk back to my house. And then he said, "Well, there's one more thing." I gestured for him to continue. I would never have expected to hear what he said next, though.
"I've decided to not go to Sweden with you on Wednesday." Uh, wow. The first thing that shot into my head was, whoa, that airline ticket was expensive. He told me that his intuition told him that there was some reason he needed to stay here and not go with me. He couldn't explain it, but it was something that his soul was telling him.
You can't argue with hunches and intuition. Those things are what has kept humans alive for millions of years—those senses are there for a reason. He seemed scared that I would be upset with him. I had set up meetings for him with some music industry people there and he was to assist me with the recording of the new songs.
But I couldn't be upset with him.
Intuition is serious stuff and not to be taken lightly. "I totally understand, Boris. I have done the same thing before. It can be so hard when you don't know why your heart is telling you to do or not do something. But, you have to follow it—even if you don't understand right at that moment." And it seemed like joy flooded his entire character. He hugged me and I could feel the relief through his arms.
[I must admit though that I would have to have some SERIOUS bad intuition in order for me personally to be willing to lose $700 I spent for a non–refundable airline ticket! I am the same way about food in restaurants—I eat what is on my plate even if I don't like it much because I PAID FOR IT DAMN IT! Maybe I'm cheap? I look forward to the day when I can completely shift my attitude about money away from the scarcity model that I was raised with.]
And we continued walking south towards my house, the beach to our right, talking about copyright forms and performing rights organizations and things I would have never thought of when I was eight or ten years old or even a few years ago.
It was an intense talk, but I feel good about the outcome, even though it involves the stretching, burning challenge of me dealing with my shortcomings and skeletons.
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