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Hello nurse! I am traveling around the US and writing about it, and there seems to be no end in sight unless I die or go to prison or something.

I am looking for nice, fun people who can put me up for a few nights. This would involve me staying at your house for a few days, showing me a good time (since I like good times), and whatever general mischief we can get into. If you think it might be fun to host me for a day or two or three, email me at justingrace AT mac DOT com. Please make sure to include your address and phone number in your email to me so I can be in touch!

I am especially looking for places to stay in the southeast USA and the East Coast. I will be traveling all over the USA, though, so email me no matter what! Here are the places I will be in the next few weeks that I am still looking for a place to stay at:

• San Francisco
• Louisiana
• Mississippi
• Alabama
• Florida
• Tennessee
• North/South Carolina
• Georgia

Please contact me ASAP if you want to hang out!

US Tour Day 63: Long John Silver

I ate at Long John Silver's before getting on my plane from New Orleans to Portland today. Why did I subject myself to the deep fried fishy horror that is Long John Silver's? I thought it would be funny. Andie once told me that it was a terrible place to eat, and they mentioned it once on one of the few episodes of The Simpson's that I've watched—which must have been many years ago as I haven't had a TV since I was about 15. When given the choice between several bad options, I choose the one which is funniest.

But now my gastrointestinal tract is miffed and my body lags under the sluggish effect of deep fat frying.

Note to self: Stop using my own body as the subject of stupid performance art comedy acts—especially ones involving food. As funny as it may be at the time, I am no longer allowed to use my digestive tract for comedic moments involving deep fried animals of any kind from fast food establishments in parts of the world that have not yet discovered vegetables and non–deep–frying cooking methods such as baking or broiling or simply eating things raw.