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And now, on with the show...

River Rafting in Costa Rica

River Rafting. What I want to know is why I haven't been doing this for years. I mean, when you get down to it the process is quite simple. First, you sit on the edge of an inflatable boat. And, this isn't your average inflatable raft. Although no bigger than the shadow of a small car, this is a serious heavy duty little vessel. And they inflate the fuck out of it. It feels like it's going to burst—swollen and taut like the fresh breasts of a 16–year–old.

We each got paddles, life jackets, and canary–colored plastic helmets. The helmets looked like the sort retarded children wear. I liked that.

After a brief explanation of how to use oars for actual rowing—and not just for splashing and hitting one another—we carried the boat into the rushing Rio Sarapiqui and were swept away by the fierce current.

Rowing seemed almost ornamental, as the current was swift enough to suck us downstream quickly. But, our guide shouted orders to us anyways—forward, get down, right forward, left forward, lean in, back paddle. And, we obeyed the best we could, which wasn't very good. We were too busy laughing and having fun and being silly and reveling in the fact that we were white water rafting in a rainforest.

Howler monkeys watched us from the tops of towering trees. Bananas ripened to our right and to our left. A whopping three percent of the Earth's biodiversity thrived and pulsed around us. Coconuts littered the ground by the thousands and nobody even cared. Coconuts seem to have the respect and value of litter here.

Dave Marr got thrown from the boat within the first fifteen minutes aboard. It was in the midst of brutal rapids, too. But, I have to admit I was far more jealous than I was scared for his well being. It looked so incredibly fun. And, by the huge smile spread across his face and the robust peals of laughter from his mouth, I knew he was having a blast.

Once we drug him back into the raft, he had only one thing to say—AGAIN!

I think the best thing about the day was that I got to do something new. It was as if I found a last bastion of virginity. And, it didn't even hurt to break it. In fact, it felt great. I can't wait to discover the next new thing.