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2006-10-02 3:48 p.m.

Today I feel sad. It's a lot of things.

A little bit of it is the time of year. The smell of fall brings a sadness with it. I mourn the death of summer—longing for heat and sun and weekend trips and sunscreen.

And, I've spent the last weeks frantically preparing my tiny little 1968 Fiat 850 for the Double 500 rally. I smashed my knuckles and burned my hands and ratcheted bolts morning until night for so long to make this tiny little machine drivable.


Cute: If you like cars that break a lot.

Now the rally is done—I made it the whole 500 kilometers, and I only broke down eight times! But, the point is that now my pressing short term goal is gone. An emptiness remains.

Then, I got an email that really upset me. It brought up a lot of the shitty things I've done in the past—things I'm not proud of, moments when I was letting myself and my loved ones down.

Simply writing this is so frustrating. I feel like I can't even tell the details.

I'm starting to think I need to start a new diary—one that's far away from everyone I know. I need a place where I can feel free to talk about all the details of my life without hurting feelings, disappointing family, or getting fired.


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