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2006-10-29 10:54 p.m.

The entertainment industry isn't an easy one. It's the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with. The competition is cutthroat. There are a million other people competing for every single opportunity—and for every cent.

The tough thing is that this is my career. A lot of people make art for fun—for a hobby. It gets to be fun almost all the time. And, they get to walk away from it whenever they want.

Sure, art is still wonderfully fun and exciting for me. But, it's also my day job. So, if I don't make enough money one month (which is often the case) then not only does it feel like I'm bad at my job, but it also feels like I'm bad at my art.

This is the worst possible way to feel. (Ok, it might not be the actual worst way to feel. Hanging out with people that talk about their pets is actually worse. Hanging out with pets is worse still. So, maybe it's like the third worst possible way to feel.)

Most people don't have a lot of emotional investment in their livelihoods. If they do a bad job they feel bad. But, they don't feel like total failures. They get to make money and have some of the comforts of life. And, at night they get to go home and do the things they like. Maybe they even make some amazing art.

But, I rely on my character and creative output for my livelihood. When a project doesn't succeed in the way I wanted it to, it's almost impossible to not take it personally. It hits me hard.

There must be some balance, but I haven't quite found it yet. I want to find a place where I'm not so crestfallen on the tough days. It seems like I'm going to be doing this for a long time, so I better find a healthy way to deal with the frequent pitfalls of a creative career.

It's not always bad, of course. It's mostly a dream come true, except for the money. I'm getting really tired of being poor. Or, perhaps it's that I'm beginning to see the benefits of being well off.

I'm starting to visualize what life will be like when I have tons of money—enough to buy midgets to use as house boys; enough to be able to visit my friends anywhere whenever I want; enough to eat delicious human babies for every meal; enough to buy a hideous 70's Ferrari and paint it glittery pink.

My current ridiculous Italian car is truly insane and impractical. But, I feel like I need something even more stupid. Although, it did cost only $500. Maybe I can use all the money I saved on buying it to get it painted glittery pink?

The last few days brought an interesting success, in terms of money. My licensing agent told me she placed a Brainpool song in the WB television show "One Tree Hill." It's prime time, so the royalties are going to be great! And I get a cut, since I manage the band. Free money!

Actually, it's not really free. I did a lot of work to get this agent and get them to this point. So, it's actually more like seeing a return on my investment. That's probably more accurate.

It seems that having a positive attitude attracts the very things I dream of.

With that in mind, there's only one thing to do: Stay positive! Tonight I will dream of delicious babies and driving my terrible, glittery pink, 70s Ferrari!