2010-01-06 9:35 p.m.

So, let's see. How can I summarize a day like today?

It started with something that was supposed to be simple. I went to the locksmith to get a key made for my car door. Claire lost my car door key. Luckily the doors are somewhat broken anyway, so you can't open them without serious insider information. But, I felt it was smart to get a key made in case the doors spontaneously fixed themselves and started working again. Then I could lock them with a key.

It all made sense in my mind.

Anyway, the locksmith didn't know who made Fiats. I explained that they were made by Fiat. It's a car company. It's in Italy. Luckily they were very nice and took my car apart anyway and charged me a huge sum of money. Now not only do I have a key, but the door works worse than ever. And, to top it off, it rattles now. A loud terrible rattle when I drive, a sound I can't ignore.

Then I went to the ear, nose and throat doctor for a follow up. Last time I had a STAPH INFECTION in my nose. This was probably from all the time I spend in downtown LA on skid row giving analingus to street urchins. So, I had to go back and see the doctor to make sure I didn't die. Apparently, staph is VERY DANGEROUS AND CONTAGIOUS. This is what he told me. And, yes, he said it in ALL CAPS just like I did right there. He did.

So, I told him that my nose was fine but I've been having trouble sleeping because I'm all stuffed up and can't breathe. Since I'm a medical professional, I suggested that maybe I had bronchitis or pneumonia. Then, he told me the most disappointing news of the whole day:

"No, you just have allergies."

What the fuck? That doesn't require any antibiotics or anything. It isn't serious. And, it surely does not get me any sympathy. Plus, I've had allergies my whole childhood, so it isn't even something new and cool.

Lame.

He gave me an inhaler. I'm super ultra nerdy, since now I have:

1) glasses
2) a retainer
3) an inhaler

Then I got a call from Will. He asked me to cover for him on a photo shoot. There were some important facts:

1) The shoot is in Las Vegas, which is about 4.5 hours away by car.
2) The shoot is for AVN Awards, which is a big porn event thing. Boobs.
3) I would be judging models and then shooting their yearly calendar and running a photo booth
4) They were going to put me up in a suite in which I would also be hired to take boudoir photos of people attending the event for $600 per hour.
5) It's TOMORROW.

So, I spent my whole day running around and getting gear ready and buying paper and ink and other photo supplies and wrangling an assistant to go to Vegas with me. Then the coordinator called me this evening to tell me that they can't get me a suite, so they don't really have a place for me to shoot the boudoir shoots. Which means I won't be able to make any money.

But, she offered to put me up in a hotel across the road and not pay me.

She said she might be able to wrangle a suite in the end, but won't know until the morning. And that means I don't know if I'm going until the last minute. I hate hate hate hate wondering. I like being able to pretend that I have some understanding or control over my life and how things will happen.

The problem is that this isn't really true. I just pretend that it is.

Life keeps on life-ing along. I try to make order out of it and look at the things around me and puff up my chest and think, "Wow, I did all this!" When in reality mostly what I did was wake up and experience what was already happening.

My house is very quiet. I tried to liven it up a little, but mostly I ended up playing whispery songs by Slowdive and spilling a huge amount of yellow photo ink directly into my mixing console.

Not all of it went in the mixing console, luckily. Some of it also went onto the white carpet.

All in all, life is good. Unpredictable, messy, and good.

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