2002-03-14 4:30 p.m.

I just don't get it. This world is so screwed up. I can not believe I live in a world where it is malapropos to expect my co�workers to take off their clothes so I can check them out and maybe even eat my lunch off of their soft, white, naked stomachs while at work. This kind of problem is such a sign that everyone is so not being a team player. I don't want to be lewd or make sexual advances on everyone and disrupt work and all, I just want to know what is going on under all those stupid clothes. Shaved? Scars? Pierced? Third nipple? Two butt holes? I have an ex�girlfriend with�I am not making this up�two butt holes. Her extra one is about an inch above the main one, and is about 1.5 inches deep. Who knows what else I would find if I had more opportunity to inspect things?

Please, do everyone a favor and leave this sort of thing at home today. Do it because you love Jesus. Do it for the children.

My favorite is how everyone pretends they don't feel the same way. They weakly attempt to hide their curiosity behind a thin and shabby veil! "But, I don't want to see my bosses inner labia or my co�workers scrotum." Hey buddy, sure you don't. Come on people. Stop faking! Truth: Everyone wants to know if it is as thick and long as you tell the old, closeted men pretending to be "underaged, cum�guzzling sluts" in that AOL chat room. I want to get a chance to see what your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/father/grandmother/whoever has been smacking and squeezing and licking and relentlessly beating like an adopted child from South America or some other stupid place for poor people all these nights after work. Stop being coy about it before I start a petition or something.


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