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2001-10-22 5:05 p.m.

Andie told me that there are possible health benefits to drinking one's own urine every morning. Something about the growth hormone being recycled or something. Maybe it makes you taller, or something, she said. I am not very tall, so that might be interesting. Also, Ghandhi used to drink his urine every morning. My friend Celeste used to do this as well. They claimed some spiritual and health benefits or whatever.

Celeste Varljen: Obviously a product of rampant piss guzzling

People, the real health benefit is how funny it is going to be when I get a mug that says "HOT STEAMY URINE" on it and I keep it on the toilet in the bathroom and drink some every day and take pictures. Now that is health. Get with the program.

I asked Tollef if he wanted to do this urine drinking experiment with me and take pictures of it all and track our heights and see if it worked and stuff, but he said no, claiming that it was not how he wanted to be portrayed. I think he has some strange complex about consuming urine, and he is making up lame excuses because he does not know how to deal with his problems.

Look at him pretending to not want to drink his own piss. Who is he fooling?

Speaking of pee, I have probably peed about 80 times today, due to the huge amount of Earl Grey tea I have consumed. Five huge cups. Good Lord. I have a college education and all I can think of to write about is how I basically steal tea from work and piss all day long like a hyperactive, spurting pee fountain.

Money well spent, folks.

I am going to seriously explode right now. I think I get some sick joy from holding in my pee sometimes, like right now. Plus, the restroom here at work is so boring. I can not really see how they expect me to want to go there and pee and stuff. I mean, they could at least make it more cozy. Then maybe I would not sit in my office, holding it all day and working and reading Leisuretown from time to time.

This door is a portal to the pee–pee fiesta!

Peeing sitting down in the handicapped stall is a nice change of pace, but the view is terrible. They really need to decorate this place.

I spend a lot of time studying the view of the restroom floor. After a while, I begin to understand the secret messages of the universe that are hidden in these tile patterns. They teach me so much.