2002-05-18 9:01 p.m.

So, today has been relaxing, calm, slow. I went for a walk, soaked in hot water, went into town and got some Mexican food, walked all around Middletown (in a town of such, um, magnitude, this takes about 7 minutes), and then came back to Harbin for more soaking.

My room is a lot nicer than yesterday's dorm style room. Not only is it larger, which was not hard to do considering the miniscule proportions of the previous room, but it is classily decorated according to my tastes.

Tasteful, understated, masculine. I mean, what manly man such myself doesn't like hand�painted grape accents or Tiffany�style lamps? It took all my self�control to keep from locking myself in this room, staring at the elegant decorations, and masturbating with glee.

This evening, it occurred to me that I had no idea where my driver's license was. After much searching behind grape�decorated curtains, bed shams, and anything else which one could possibly stencil, airbrush, screen print, or imprint the likeness of grapes upon, I found it under the grape�embossed heater, at the back of the closet which I had never even used since my arrival! How did it get there? Ah, but more important than that was that it had been totally annihilated! It looked like it had been ass�raped to hell and back! What in the world did they do to my driver's license? Did rats eat it? Did they run over it with the vacuum? I guess I will have to consider it a battle wound, one that adds character to my otherwise uninteresting license.

My poor driver's license! Ass�raped to hell and back, and then left for dead! I will never forget this great American tragedy!

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