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2003-10-02

Hi again! I am traveling around the US and writing about it, and there seems to be no end in sight.

I am looking for nice, fun people who can put me up for a few nights and feed me and pay my way (since I am broke) and show me a good time (since I like good times). If you think it might be fun to host me for a day or two or three, email me at justingrace AT mac DOT com. Please make sure to include your address and phone number. I am especially looking for places to stay in the southeast USA and the East Coast.

I will be traveling all over the USA, though, so email me no matter what! Here are the places I will be in the next few weeks that I am still looking for a place to stay at:
Texas: Between Austin, TX and Louisiana
Mississippi
Alabama
Tennessee
North/South Carolina
Georgia

I am in Austin right now, so please contact me ASAP if you are in or around Austin and want to hang out! Thanks in advance for your help! And now, more of my banter...



US Tour Day 16: Tucson Is Heaven On Earth

Arizona is way too beautiful. I feel like a broken record, but I can't say it enough times. I reel from the breadth of the sky, the depth of the blue, the prismatic and blinding clouds. In this setting even the most subtle beauty is magnified to great glory, holiness resonates from horizon to horizon through that dry, peaceful air.

Olivia and I drove around in my car, doing our best to visit as many tourist destinations as we could in an afternoon. First we visited Mission San Xavier del Bac. Normally missions are pretty boring and stupid. If you grow up in California then you are forced to learn about missions all through elementary school. Under normal circumstances I'd rather choke on a hundred cock–shaped saguaro cacti than have another visit another one of those stupid adobe shit shack churches. We pretty much only went because it was free and we couldn't think of anything else to do.

Boy were we surprised. I didn't take back everything bad I said and thought about missions. But, I sure took back everything potentially bad I thought about this one, that's for sure. The place was breathtaking. Olivia felt guilty that she had lived in Tucson most of her life yet never took the time to explore this gorgeous and fantastically preserved slice of Southwestern history.


One of the towers of the mission. The walls of this mission are between three and six feet thick, and no wood was used in the construction. Crazy, huh? Note the totally kick–ass sky, hanging around and being generally awesome and rad in every possible way.


The main altar of the mission showcases the works of countless artisans, who—in spite of their great dedication to the church and its cause—died anyways.


This restored portion of the narthex wall reminded me of the optical illusions of MC Escher.


I'm not going to lie. Every time my eyes glimpsed this lion all I could think about was how his hands looked they were about to start milking two thick, liturgical cocks—squeezing and pumping out each and every drop of divine spurtation from heaven's mighty vas deferens. Note: I am probably going to hell for this.


A cherubim watches from above, surely not surprised by how many pictures I took of Spurty McLion. I felt all original, but I bet every tourist on the planet takes pictures of the lion and snickers about how it looks like the mascot for the Roman Catholic Masturbation Zoo's annual Boner Festival.


A simple chapel flanked the church.


We're all burning! Rows of religious candles inside the chapel raised the temperature substantially.


More of the sky looking awesome.


Unlike me, the sky continues to look awesome no matter how I photograph it.


Racks full of candles lined the inner courtyard, each candle a living testament to the fact that someone just paid $2 for it at the gift shop.


A saguaro cactus man throws his head back in laughter at the beauty of it all. I laugh with him.





After the mission we headed off to the Saguaro National Park. I felt afflicted by the beauty. Was there no rest to the amazing things my eyes would have to look at that day?


Spike tries to get home, back to the place where the cacti stretch to the sky.

The huge saguaro cacti rose up to finger and probe the open, blue heavens. I thought about Snoopy's cousin Spike and how he was always hanging around with cacti that looked just like these. I considered that Spike was a pretty lucky dog to get to live out in the desert.



Olivia and me.

Olivia didn't know that the purple–red buds on the cacti were fruits you could actually eat. Prickly pears, as we call them, are amazing and dangerous fruits. You know how Kool–Aid tastes sort of like fruit, but not really? Or, how it tastes like a caricature of fruit if fruit was from another planet where things are just more intense? Well, let me tell you. Kool–Aid tastes like a real fruit that you can actually get right here on Earth—the prickly pear.


Beware, though, the outside is covered with painful prickly spines. These dangerous barbs are clear and thinner than a human hair, making them near invisible. But, they lodge into your skin and break off. Don't even bother to try to get them out with tweezers, as that seems to just make them angry.

And, if you can get past the evil barbs, there are thousands of tiny seeds inside—it's as if someone crammed a heaping fistful of little, black tooth–breaking pebbles into each bite. But, persist! The flavor is really out of this world and definitely worth all the trouble.


A prickly pear patch, a gift of fruit flavor from outer space.






Attention students: I will be leading a mandatory study group inside of your body starting now. Please form only one line.

Olivia took me to the student union at her college for dinner. I ate at Panda Express, but unfortunately they didn't actually have any panda on their menu. What a rip–off.


Coach on Right: In this next inning, let's wear each and every student like a bracelet. Then, mustache rides!
Coach on Left: Did someone say mustache rides? Put on that helmet you hot, hunky chunk of baseball coach. My pants are already around my ankles.

I was so happy to be around all those students, though. Everywhere I looked there were cute young people, all of them just waiting to be defiled by me. It was like a shopping mall, except instead of selling clothes and knick–knacks they only sold giggling girls with thong underwear peeking out above the backs of their low–flying jeans. God was definitely rewarding me for something.


Button makers of the world UNITE!

Olivia had a study group, so I stayed in the student union to catch up on my button making and revel in the smell of fast food and tender orifices begging me to wear them like bracelets.

The girl from the Chick–fil–A noticed me making buttons and came out to talk with me. She and her room–mate own the same button making machine as I have, and she was excited to get some tips from me on how to make a better button. I turned her on to the person I get my supplies from and told her how to make an effective template.

What a long day—so many things to see, so much beauty all over the place, everywhere I look. People, plants, clouds, the sky, the earth, it just never seems to end. I am having SO MUCH FUN!


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