2008-02-16 11:07 p.m.

I am in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I turned 32 yesterday.

A lot of people called me for my birthday. But, I found myself turning my phone off and putting it in the bottom of my bag. I like to pamper myself on my birthday. That means not answering the phone, even when it's people who love and appreciate that are calling.

I don't feel older. I don't think anyone ever does. At least not on their birthdays.

My nana is 74 and she never seems to feel older on her birthdays. Although, a few weeks ago she was in the hospital for congestive heart failure again. She told me that when her heart stopped and she wasn't sure if she was going to make it that she felt old for the first time in her life.

My dream is to take her to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas while she's still alive. I can't afford it.

There are all sorts of foundations that help dying kids with leukemia and other stuff like that get their wish come true while they're still alive.

Is there something like that for me and my nana?

I want to find someone to type in all my old diaries so I can post them online. I think it'll be great to have them all searchable. I wonder if I should have someone in India or China do it. The thing is that I don't know anyone in India or China.

I wonder how much it will cost? I wonder what they'll think as they're reading my diaries from when I was 14 years old or whenever.

I wonder if it's a bad idea to post those things online. But, then again, when has something being a bad idea ever stopped me?

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