2002-03-25 9:19 a.m.

It is here you will find me, lovingly suckling these two heavy, generous teats.

Of all the things I could be known for at work, I get to be famous for carrying around two huge cups full of iced tea all the time. "Iced Tea Guy" is my name. They may not call me it to my face, but it is impossible to avoid the comments as I walk through the cafeteria. Wow, look at that guy's cups. Yes, I know. I have two cups and they are quite large, yes.

People always stop me and comment on how big my cups are, and how I must go to the toilet a lot. These sort of comments insinuate sex in the same way that tickling does�tickling a person exerts a sort of sexual dominance over them, complete with delicious petting and touching, while attempting to hide behind the guise of innocent playing. Similarly, commenting on the size of what I carry around, as well as what I do in the bathroom with my pants down is basically a poorly disguised invitation for full�on piss play and fisting in the handicapped stall. I love it. I find myself very pleased that today's high�tech workplace has come this far�I have long been lobbying for more sexual advances in the workplace. This is the kind of progress I have been pushing for.

But, I wonder why it is the tea thing that people here notice about me and not something else. I don't wear shoes most days, and yet nobody calls me "No Shoes Guy". People don't constantly talk with me about how my feet are naked. Or, what about how I am all pierced up? Nobody calls me "Piercing Guy". People don't stop me in the halls and ask me, "Did that hurt?", where the word "that" refers to some unspecified piece of jewelry I have intrusively jammed in my body.

I am not sure I want to be Iced Tea Guy. I think I have lots of other things which are more interesting that I would rather people took interest in. Oh well.

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Yes, doctor. That's right. How long? Um, I think this has been going on for a few days now. Grey, with black, chunky discharge. How soon can I get an appointment?

I went to the restroom today and washed my hands. I was surprised to find that the usual semen�like liquid soap had been replaced with something which somehow managed to be even more completely offensive. Today's soap was not only grey in color, but also came with bonus large black chunks in it. I shudder to think what could have caused this.

Some people get off on those up�close pictures.

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I was really amazed at the responses I got in my guestbook and via email regarding the flame that guy wrote and my response. I could not believe how supported and loved I felt. I wanted to get on an airplane and fly all around the world and hug all the people who wrote those supportive words. Almost daily I wish I had infinite money and time so I could do this sort of thing.

Thanks. Seriously.

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