2002-07-08 3:04 p.m.

NO BATHING CONTEST PART 3

I have been getting emails, phone calls, letters, telegrams, and even semaphore messages from so many people who want to know whether or not I have taken a shower yet. The sad answer is...yes. I did not want to, and I had planned on going at least month without any official, full–body bathing, but I just could not hack it. I would have made it, but I went swimming and had to put on sunscreen, so I had this horrible, sticky goo smeared all over my body. There is little that disgusts me more than the putrid smell and violating sensation of sunscreen on my tender skin—and this was Bull Frog, the feculent superglue of sunscreens. Then, I got exposed to poison oak, too. I had no choice but to shower.

Not that showering prevented me from getting a stupid, itchy case of poison oak on my left butt–cheek, shoulders, and calves.

Total elapsed time without official bathing: 15.5 days

My friend Careey sent me this certificate to recognize and reward me for my fantastic personal hygiene habits. What an honor! Hooray for me! I am a happy, yellow piss pig!

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