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2001-11-26 2:36 p.m.

Three of the four dogs. Here is a rare image of them taking a break from barking and destroying household items.

The trip to Crescent City turned out to be super fun. The dogs even proved to be pretty entertaining—even the part when all three of them woke me up by jumping on me and licking me more vigorously than any woman ever has. I like licking. It is the barking and chewing things that I don't like much. These dogs were fairly well–behaved, though: In the two hours we were away from the house, they ONLY ate a string of Christmas lights and part of a fancy wicker couch.

After toweling off the dog saliva and attempting to remove some dog hair from my clothes, we ventured forth into the vast unkown of Crescent City. First we went to a store called Ben Franklin's. Although it was not in fact owned by Ben Franklin (he is deceased, people) it does contain ceramic animals which are pornographic in nature. It was one of those "adult" stores.

Yeah, baby. Spread em. Unghhhh. Uhhh. Ohh God. Yes. Hurbluglg.

Boner central.

After a quick stop at one of the Crescent City photo opportunities, we contiunued on in search of food.

Welcome to Septic County, kids!

We ate a lunch–feast at the most fantastic place. Look out Del Taco. Look out Taco Bell. Get ready for motherfucking TACO MAN. First of all, you may be asking yourself, "How do you know that Taco Man is actually a Taco MAN?" Well, it is because there is a HUGE statue of a PINK, VEINY, REALISTIC COCK! Ok, not really. I made that up. The truth is, I don't know if Taco Man is in fact a MAN, but I can tell you a few things about Taco Man. First of all, the food was EPIC. Giant piles of nachos! Endless gallon–sized tacos! Pureed jalapeños! Tater tots! Yeah, they even had tater tots. Second—like all good fast food restaurants in out–of–the way places—Taco Man employed the Good English Sign System™, as you can see from the photo below. Best of all, they boasted the smallest sodas this side of Highway 101.

All your thanks given are be belong to us.

Um, there seems to be some sort of a mistake. I think I ordered a SMALL drink, sir.

I love to visit old graveyards and read the gravestones—the older the better. I could not pass up the opportunity to peruse this beautiful Northern California cemetery.

This grave was my favorite.

While at the cemetery, Andie's mom spotted the most beautiful mushroom I had ever seen. It was RED RED RED with white dots on it. I thought these things only existed in video games!

Dude, it was SO Super Mario Brothers!

Look out, tiny little soda from Taco Man! The mushroom is going to get get you and then you will have to go back and start this level all over again!

Like any good, God–fearing American, we went shopping at Wal–Mart, since it was the day after Thanksgiving after all. I did not take any pictures inside Wal–Mart since my Canon Elph is not really capable of the wide angles required to truly capture the clientele of that establishment. Sorry folks. Even "panorama mode" wouldn't cut the mustard.

"Wel come to Crescunt Citee. Come inside for we make touching your pee pee and have fisting ass holes, sir and madams."

We went to the beach and found starfish, which somehow are not really stars NOR ARE THEY FISH. What the FUCK dude!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How do they do that shit!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Neither star nor fish. Good God. What an enigma. [Note also cutest and most wonderful girl in the universe, Andie.]

We also found this cool star–shaped hole in the rocks. I was confused.