2003-01-15 10:14 a.m.

The other day I went to the worst mall in America�Vallco in Cupertino, CA. My goal was to find a new pair of shoes. Normally I like malls. I see them as giant galleries where everything is for sale and the best things to look at are the strange people. But Vallco is a horrible, desolate place and carries no entertainment value. Vallco mall is terrible because of two reasons:

1. Almost all of the stores have gone out of business, leaving only the most crappy stores, like "Wang's Chinese Gifts" and "The Sheepskin Store" and "Calendars�R�Us".

2. Their business has waned to the point that they closed their entire food court. Yes, that's correct: they have NO FOOD COURT AT ALL. Good luck trying to get a snack or a soda here, folks.

But, what they do have is a Hot Topic clearance store. That means that they have Hot Topic stuff at at least 50% off! But, on this fine day Hot Topic only seemed to have chubby 13�year�old wannabe goth girls and shirts with stupid slogans. Oh, and a healthy supply of last year's "hip stuff"�stuff that was never in fact hip yet still remained a source of consumer entertainment for America's self�proclaimed misunderstood MTV�consumers.

But no shoes for Justin.

But, what Vallco did have was one excellent BMW with a fantastic license plate.

Obviously the coolest form of OG�aka original gangster�is the anal original gangster.

What I wanted to know is how they managed to sneak in the word ANAL. The California DMV is very strict about not letting any funny words slip by into a license plate. So, that means you can not say things like ASSCOBRA or ANUSLIK or POOPEAT or CRAPPLE. I guess that they don't think ANAL is funny or something, although I can't imagine why the hell not.

And what is funnier than a reference to OGs, obviously original gangsters? And anal original gangsters no less!

So, even though Vallco is a horrible place to shop or get a snack, it turns out that it can be a fun place to take pictures of license plates!


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