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2001-11-13 3:56 p.m.

There is one thing which is almost as annoying and terrible as irritating homeless people. That one thing is dogs. (Yes, I know you are asking, "What about the homeless people with dogs?" Surprisingly, recent studies show that they, in fact, totally and completely suck and should definitely be beaten severely.)

But, back to dogs. Dude, they suck. It is not very complicated. Some people have not gotten this memo, which is surprising due to the recent leaps and bounds in communication technologies. So, when Andie asked me to come and hang out in boring, cold, six–hour–drive–each–way, Crescent City at her mom and stepdad's deep–in–the–forest house with their FOUR FUCKING DOGS over my Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I was not exactly leaping with excitement.

Let me illustrate:

Andie: Justin, wanna come hang out in boring, cold, six–hour–drive–each–way, Crescent City at my mom and stepdad's deep–in–the–forest house over your Thanksgiving holiday weekend?
Justin: Um, I dunno...
Andie: Keep in mind there will be four, huge dogs.
Justin: Fucking Christ! Holy SHIT! FUCK! Why didn't you say so. I am SO THERE! The only thing better would be some IRRITATING, HOMELESS PEOPLE to BOTHER ME!

So, I was telling Adam about this and he (as usual) had some pretty good things to say about the dogs:

Adam - so, what are you doin for TxGiving?
Justin - Thursday at mom's. Thursday night Andie and I are driving up to visit her mom in WAY NORTHERN California.
Justin - It is like a big stupid 7 hour drive. It is gonna be so dumb. I don't wanna go. Her mom has FOUR dogs.
Adam - bunk.
Adam - and think, you could drive WAY less and go to Alyssa's house [in San Jose], where there is only 3 dogs

Right around there, I think I pissed myself all up and down I laughed so hard. What genius — I could drive 6 hours less, and still get 75% of the dog I was expecting. This man sure knows where it is at. Adam had more to say on this subject.

Adam - quick update on how lame dogs are:
Adam - in the last 3 months, Alyssa's dogs have:
Adam - broken 2 windows in the house by jumping thru them
Adam - peed on darrens bed
Justin - Is that all?
Adam - gotten in fights with each other, requiring medical attention
Adam - dont interrupt
Adam - they also: bark, crap, stink, lick, jump, and generally annoy you.

I was awed. I did not know what to say. I felt bad about interrupting. All I could say was:

Justin - Wow

I guess it was just that Adam really struck such a chord of truth and it was really touching to me. I got all choked up. I decided to go for a walk to contemplate the glory of the universe and how it could be in such a wonderful place that something as stupid as dogs could exist. My mind boggled.