2002-07-08 3:04 p.m.

NO BATHING CONTEST PART 3

I have been getting emails, phone calls, letters, telegrams, and even semaphore messages from so many people who want to know whether or not I have taken a shower yet. The sad answer is...yes. I did not want to, and I had planned on going at least month without any official, full�body bathing, but I just could not hack it. I would have made it, but I went swimming and had to put on sunscreen, so I had this horrible, sticky goo smeared all over my body. There is little that disgusts me more than the putrid smell and violating sensation of sunscreen on my tender skin�and this was Bull Frog, the feculent superglue of sunscreens. Then, I got exposed to poison oak, too. I had no choice but to shower.

Not that showering prevented me from getting a stupid, itchy case of poison oak on my left butt�cheek, shoulders, and calves.

Total elapsed time without official bathing: 15.5 days

My friend Careey sent me this certificate to recognize and reward me for my fantastic personal hygiene habits. What an honor! Hooray for me! I am a happy, yellow piss pig!

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